Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Dress code 1

The dress code for my job is, "don't be naked." On one hand I love this, I do my best to find clothes as comfortable as PJ's. No one can tell me to wear heels and hose. I don't own a blazer. It is a serious perk. On the other hand, I have colleagues who could use sprucing up or at least covering up.

"Don't be naked" is subject to interpretation. Who knew? It seems so clear, so minimal. I have a colleague who is a rabid exerciser and wears these tiny little running shorts around the office during the summer. Now, he is an old guy and in great shape, so I don't begrudge him the short shorts. But guys, when you wear those things, you really need to keep your feet on the ground. Squat down to tie your shoes. Don't lean back in a chair and put your feet on the table. In fact, all of the mini skirt rules apply to men in short shorts, at least to men in short shorts at work. When you get out of a car, swing both legs out the door together and then stand up. If you pick something up off the ground bend at the knees not at the waist. I learned these rules in high school without any problem. It just isn't that difficult to avoid exposing yourself.

In my second year on the job, I was chatting over drinks with a different colleague's wife. After the right number of G&T's she leaned over to me, "So Carla, you've been here for a while now, what do you think about X's testes?"

I learned a small life lesson: 'single malt scotch hurts just as much as the cheap stuff when you snort it out your nose.' Aside from the nose pain, her question had comforting implications, sort of. "Really, you mean that those little shows weren't just for me? Now I don't feel special at all."

"I'll give you a hundred dollars for every person in this room who hasn't seen X's balls, he just can't seem to keep them to himself. About 10 years ago, the department chair had to point out to him that it wasn't such a hot idea to sunbathe in a speedo on the lawn in front of the office?"

Now, this seems like a problem to me. I feel confident that it isn't normal to glimpse coworkers' genitals. I am not sure how to fix it. Maybe change the dress code to "Don't be naked, EVER." Maybe the university administration could specify that professors to wear snug underpants. Maybe there could be some sort of warning policy: Faculty Handbook section 1 subsection 5 paragraph a, "Before exposing oneself advise people in the immediate vicinity allowing them time to look up or carefully study a book or other document." There are options out there. I just need to waste more time thinking about them.